But God! | Sarita Long

All my life I knew it was meant for me to be a mother. I always enjoyed working with children and every time I had to make an important decision my first thought was how will this affect my future kids. Even when I was dating, I was always focused on if the guy would be the right type of father for my children. Even after I was told that I would possibly have trouble becoming pregnant. I feel like God allowed me to have a unique mix of life experiences and a desire to seek out certain knowledge just to provide a specific foundation for my children.

2016 I became pregnant with my first child with an expectant due date of August 12th, 2017. I was so excited. I cried and thanked God for blessing me. Around 18 weeks I was diagnosed with an incompetent cervix and was told that the earliest they could try to save my baby was at 21 weeks. 2017, April 24, at 24 weeks, I went into labor. I had already been in the hospital for 4 days. I had consultations with several specialists, and they all made me aware of all the worst-case scenarios. There were so many times I wanted to scream and cry my heart out in acceptance of what was about to happen (possibly giving birth to my baby then losing him) BUT GOD would not let me. He sent a spirit of peace and confidence that for me felt like my maternal grandmother and it would not allow me to grieve. Every time an ultrasound was done on him, he was doing great. My son stayed in the NICU for 4 months. He came home August 17 with no known physical or mental issues.

2018 I became pregnant again. Yes! A little brother or sister for my son. I had a plan in place to deal with the incompetent cervix and we were just waiting to find out what the gender of our baby was going to be. During a routine ultrasound I noticed that my baby looked like it was inside of a bubble. When I asked the doctor what was going on, he quickly sent me to a specialist. Oh No! Here we go again. After a genetic analysis it was determined that my baby had Trisomy 18. Trisomy 18 is a condition that causes severe developmental delays due to an extra chromosome 18. Symptoms include low birth weight, small abnormally shaped head, and birth defects in organs that are often life threatening. Also known as Edwards syndrome it has no treatment and is usually fatal before birth or within the first year of life. If I miscarried it could have made it hard for me to have another baby. We choose to abort the pregnancy. That was a very hard day. We wanted our baby. We found out while we were waiting that the baby was a little boy and it just happened to be my husband’s late brother’s birthday. We sat in the office and cried together. But God again! He allowed me to form a special spiritual bond with all my children during the pregnancies and my son had already told me it was okay. He even comes to visit me in my thoughts and lays his spiritual head on my spiritual shoulders.

2019 I did my first 40 day fast to heal my spirit and shortly after, I became pregnant with my daughter. We were under specialist care and had a smooth delivery, not really. No delivery is smooth but in comparison to my first delivery it was more routine. This was my hardest pregnancy emotionally. Every time the sonographer made a weird face or the doctors paused when reading from their notes, my heart would stop. I spent the entire pregnancy bracing myself for bad news. I believed God would take care of us but to be totally honest I was traumatized. But God allowed the spirit of my baby girl to comfort me every time I had a moment of anxiety.

Within the past year “2020” our family has been graced with many blessings, but we have also had some challenges come our way. Can I tell you I have not lost any sleep over the challenges! I have experienced God's promises in a way that has not only assured me of His presence but has assured me of His favor!