I am who God says I am! If I am what God says I am, what does God say of me? What is my identity? There are many ways God Identifies us but one that I hold within my heart is that I AM CHOSEN. This resonates for me because for the majority of my life I have been abandoned in some way and I’ve not been chosen by those closest to me. This was reflected in the choices they made concerning my care and well-being and it had taken quite the toll on my identity. Up until recent years, I relied more on how other flawed human beings identified me, than how God identified me.
I used to be a woman that was consistently fooling herself. I believed I could only trust God in the good times and if life were at ease then, I was wanted. I was threatened by my own insecurity and instability because I didn't know for myself, what my true identity was and who it came from. It all started early on. See, my father was absent from my life on a regular basis. I knew who he was, where he was and what he looked like, but that was the extent of our relationship. My father enjoyed a life of self-indulgence and became an alcoholic. I was sexually abused during my adolescence and a man selfishly used me to fulfill his sexual desires and personal satisfactions, with no regard to how the trauma would affect me. Then, the adults that I told about the abuse avoided making sacrifices to move beyond the situation and it scared every one of my relationships, including the one with God.
There have been other areas of my life affected by rejection like, not getting picked for a team or a part in a play. The times when I wasn't wanted by the guy that I liked or the people I wanted to grow friendships with. Also, in the corporate world, when others have obtained positions that I qualified for, but I simply wasn’t their choice. Rejection is tough, no matter what way and in what area it shows up. Having the people that are responsible for your wellbeing overlook and avoid the nurturing needed for growth, is a breeding ground for insecurity and discontentment.
I have struggled and questioned my worth and my identity since childhood. As I became older the struggles grew and my internal narrative was in a constant state of confusion. I often wondered, if I was not enough as a child, who was dependent upon others to care for me, then how am I worthy as an adult for someone to care and not abandon me? These questions and false belief caused me to self-sabotage any good in my life and not speak up for help when I needed it because I believed I was unworthy and didn't matter much.
Painful experiences have taught me more about God's love and how I really am set apart, then anything of ease, ever could. I’ve learned that the pain that was allowed was so that I might learn to trust the faithfulness, sufficiency and love that God has for me and most importantly, how he identifies me. I now trust and praise God through the good and the bad for each season brings with it a clearer view of who God is for my life.
Knowing my identity in God and accepting his love has changed up my life in ways I can't help but testify about! I am wanted and have been chosen since before the creation of the world. And so are you! God desires to be in fellowship with you. He has chosen you and cares for you. Fact of life: People will choose you and sometimes they won't. As humans we are all limited in our sight of the full worth of someone, but God is not. He has always wanted you and nothing will change that. You are never abandoned by God. You have always been chosen. Live like it, because THAT is WHO YOU ARE!