Is anyone else struggling to find their way in this world? Do you find yourself with battles that seem unbeatable?
After an almost daily venting session with my best friend the other day, she told me she was proud of me for finding my way in this world. You see, I’ve never been more scared of anything more than I’m scared to be stuck in unhappiness. Over the last 8 years I have jumped around from job to job seeking a positive work environment. As a millennial the world tells me I’m needy, but as a child of God I know my worth.
Finding my purpose has not been an easy road. I’ve spent many hours in counseling and prayer to get to a place where I feel like God is using all of my battles for His glory. It all started during my second semester in college when I found myself engaging in disordered eating behaviors. I found a therapist in my area who specialized in the subject and went in for the awkward initial consultation. After several sessions, I felt like I was finally finding myself and understanding how my body was reacting to my past traumas.
Growing up in a broken family, experiencing sexual abuse and mental health issues, I spent my whole life fighting off and concealing my emotions just to get by. In one of my first counseling sessions, my therapist held up a sign of different cartoon faces. Each one was expressing a different emotion: depression, sadness, joy, happiness… She asked me to identify what it felt like intrinsically to experience those feelings, and I couldn’t answer her question. Life for me was solely surviving. After becoming free in Christ and moving away to college, I didn’t know how to express the feelings I had. Heck, I didn’t know what feelings were. So when the physiological effects of stress that come with college hit me, my body turned to the only thing it could control: food.
Eventually I learned more effective coping skills. I began not only seeing my therapist, but also seeing a nutritionist and physiatrist. I find that seeing these helping professionals gives me a different insight into what's going on in my life and how to handle the ebbs and flows and seek my purpose. I am an overcomer and unwilling to settle for anything that compromises my happiness.
Part of my story includes using what I’ve been through to help others! I love teaching women the coping skills that I’ve learned. A few years ago I raised money to purchase sewing machines so that I could teach at risk women how to use their hands to connect and create. Sometimes God will put you through something so you can turn around and share your gifts to connect with His kingdom. Amen? I am proud to say that I even launched a handmade business that uses a portion of all proceeds to purchase materials to teach sewing skills.
I still don’t know what I am doing, but I can wholeheartedly say that I am seeking as many resources available to me to walk in God's plan for my life. That means asking for help when I need it, getting counseling, spending time in prayer, and having a vision! What are you doing to improve yourself? Do you have unresolved trauma? What can you do from where you are right now to overcome it and live the life God intended for you?
Powerful! Keep up the work because it is working for you and others. Thank you for sharing and taking responsibility. What a show of maturity in the Lord.
I can relate to the broken family for sure! I grew up in an alcoholic dynamic so I was always trying to solve their problems to find peace. I didn’t learn how to manage my own emotions; I learned to control others for the sake of mine. I love how you took full responsibility for the damage done to you by someone else. You didn’t let that define you and that my friend will inspire others. Thank you for sharing your story with us.
Love it. Thank you for being transparent.
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