"Lucretia, just come back home. I don’t want to see you struggle like this". This was my mom’s third attempt to get me to return home for good.
I was swimming in student loan and credit card debt, struggling to pay my portion of the rent, scraping up change to put gas in my car, and working twelve-hour shifts for a job that I saw no future with. To top it off, my roommate and best friend at the time, was on a different journey.
I remember tears rolling down my face contemplating my mom’s offer. I decided to scroll on social media to see all of my peers starting businesses, landing their dream jobs, starting families, and traveling the world. I told myself, “This can’t be the life God wanted for me.”
And, no - THIS wasn’t the life God wanted for me!
One night while sitting on the couch, alone in my apartment, I heard my name in a low whisper saying, “Lucretia”. I was spooked! My roommate wasn’t there, the TV was turned off, and there was no one outside the front door of my apartment. It didn’t take me long to realize what a still small voice sounded like. I stopped freaking out and allowed God to speak to me. I heard His voice very clearly. Quickly grabbing my notebook and a pen, I began writing exactly what God was placing on my heart.
Peace instantly rushed over me. Tears fell from my eyes, onto my notebook. I had finally received confirmation. I needed to return home.
I called my parents, telling them everything. Their overwhelming love and acceptance filled me with reassurance. Everything was going to be okay. Returning home would be a new beginning, but what was home? My parents moved from our home state to a place I was unfamiliar with. I was twenty-three years old and hadn't lived with my parents since the age of seventeen. I wasn't their little girl anymore. I was an adult, with life experience and busted dreams.
A few months later, my dad booked a flight to help me pack up. We rented a Uhaul truck and headed for our trip home with my car hitched on the back.
I wouldn’t be telling the truth if I told you everything worked out perfectly when I returned. I was a wreck. I was depressed. I had a college degree on one hand and no job opportunities on the other. No close friends by my side and no clue what my next step should be.
I felt like a failure.
I never imagined moving back in with my parents and starting from scratch. I was ‘supposed’ to be further along with my life by now.
As much as I wanted to fast forward, the pause button had been pressed on my life and I had nowhere to run. I had consistently run from God's calling on my life before. I was also realizing that God’s grace comes in different forms. This was less about returning home and more about returning back to Him. God separated me from what I knew as comfort to do life His way. God's protection and favor were with me in all the good and the bad times.
This moment of clarity changed the trajectory of my life and forced me to confront all of me and also sparked my purpose. This scripture gave me permission to allow God to search for me.
Psalm 139: 23- 24 (NIV)
Search me, God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me and lead me in the way everlasting.
Like a detective looking for a parent’s lost child, all of me needed to be searched. I was unsettled because I hadn’t let go of my thoughts about being a failure. The Lord began to handle my anxiety and depression and deal with the parts of me I never confronted.
There was no more running and no more pretending. Just like those dusty untouched books in the back of our shelves, I had parts of my life that needed to be touched by Jesus’ love. The untouched spots had to be uncovered before discovering my purpose. All of the missing puzzle pieces were found when I took the time to dust off the cobwebs and sift through the pages of my life.
I understood why my previous friendships and relationships didn’t work. Much from my immaturity and low self-esteem that stemmed from my youth. Financial turmoil arose, and I had to teach myself a better way to handle debt. And I didn't realize how renewing the relationship with my mom impacted my life, greatly. Uncovering this did not mean I was perfect, but I did began living life purposefully.
It took some practice and I still made crazy decisions. I tried to still do things on my own at times. As much as I tried to rebel, I felt the Holy Spirit push me back to purpose. All it took was a YES! to being obedient to God's call. My passion for youth in the community began to grow and I became the founder of a non-profit organization. My teaching career ignited, and I began serving youth in my church and found accountability in sisterhood.
I eventually met my husband online and we were married a year and a half later. We currently have two beautiful children. Looking back, all that I went through was all for God's bigger plan. Now, I love speaking, teaching, and coaching people to live the purpose God has for their life.
I evolved beautifully. And so will you. Your purpose is a lifelong journey of allowing God to fully work through you in every season of your life. Will you say yes?
Speaker | Author| Purpose Journey Coach